Datang Times

Illustration: Xia Qing/GT

Over the last few weeks, you might have felt left out because everybody is talking about Game of Thrones (GoT), as HBO has just released the latest and last season of the fantasy drama series.

Here are some simple tricks and basic facts that will help you survive this GoT fever, if you haven't seen it or you are not caught up.

Whenever somebody starts babbling about a character from GoT, just put on a poker face and say, "But, eventually they all die." It will work every time because no matter how important the character seems to be to the story line or how loved they are by the audience, they may suddenly be killed.

Your friends will consent, and then you can all get angry and badmouth the author and the people at HBO.

There are hundreds of characters on the show and they get killed and come back to life all the time. Nobody is absolutely good or purely evil. It's complicated, but remember that the Stark family is the most humane.

Some simple remarks you can use include, "Oh, I love Jon Snow," or "Sansa Stark is such a stupid girl." Or just say "Hondor," which is the name of a large man who is slow of wits and only capable of saying the word "Hondor."

Daenerys is the girl who owns the dragons, and is considered the best character on the show. She is known as Queen Daenerys in many areas, and her titles also include The Unburnt and Mother of Dragons. And the list goes on as the plot unravels.

So you can just say, "It takes the translator girl forever to announce Daenerys' name, right?" People will laugh or nod along and see you as one of them.

Another good joke is, "Has winter come yet?" In the fantasy world, each season lasts years, and they always talk about how "winter is coming;" this has been a big deal for a long time.

When something cruel or extremely shocking happens, you should say, "It's just like the Red Wedding." The Red Wedding refers to a massacre during a wedding in the show.

Pretend that you are used to nudity and brutality because if you watch any episode, you're guaranteed to see both sex and murder.

When it comes to the point where you are almost caught for not knowing the specific details of the show, just say, "It's different from the books."

It's a safe response because although it seems there are a lot of book fans, who look down upon on fans who only watch the TV series, books fans are rare to find in real life. If your friend continues to press you and asks what happens in the books, just put on a condescending smirk and say, "Why don't you go ahead and read the books yourself."

The ultimate solution would be to just cover your ears and say, "Lalalalala, no spoilers!" This way you can stop the conversation once and for all and you are free from revealing that you actually know nothing about the show.

Whatever you do, don't confess that you've never watched the show because that would be social suicide.

It's not just because your friends will think less of you and stop talking to you. On the contrary, they will start convincing you that this is the best show ever. As a fan myself, I guarantee you that we will annoy you to death unless you promise that you will watch it. 

This article was published on the Global Times Metropolitan section Two Cents page, a space for reader submissions, including opinion, humor and satire. The ideas expressed are those of the author alone, and do not represent the position of the Global Times.

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